Alex Alvis Art

Artists Who Fear and Loath their Own Work

So I want to address how you treat your own sweet artist self today.  And to help me with this I am bringing in one of my favorite people to boost me up on a blue day, Bryon Katie.  I have included the partial transcript of a podcast below.



But first I would like to encourage you to read this hysterical article in Cracked.  Most of the writing in Cracked is very funny...this is a great read too.

So the Bryon Katie transcript is about examining your thoughts toward others...but since that will eventually will lead you toward examining your thoughts about yourself...which is what I hope you will do, please read it with that in your heart...because...

Your success or failure as an artist is very dependent upon the thoughts you have about yourself.  So nourish them into kind and loving thoughts with all your might...I beg you.

Here's the transcript.  It's a bit of a read...so extend you attention span for a little while - you'll be glad you did :) 

I have edited this a bit, my own words are in parenthesis and some things are left out...interviewer comments and the like...just to keep things more clear, to the point, and less loooong.

'Till tomorrow!
~Alex

I woke up and I could see clearly that ...when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, and when I didn't believe them I didn't suffer.  And I've come to see that this is true for every human being.

...We (sometimes) just take for granted that what people tell us is true...especially as children.  And that's fine, it's how we create the world.

But the stressful thoughts.  (The thoughts that tell us) there's something to fear.

That is a breach of intimacy. There's no intimacy when we're in fear and there's no love when we're in fear.  (Intimacy and love) it's there - it just that our awareness of it is broken.  So we experience this separateness.

I invite people to identify when they're stressed out.  

(When we) look at what we're believing about our partner (or about ourselves or about anyone or anything else and we are feeling stressed...what is the belief that is stressing us out?)  (Because)...what we're believing, our feelings are the effect of that.

In other words - everything we experience emotionally is the effect of what we're believing.

So we've tried to change our feelings and change our feelings and it doesn't work as long as we're believing those unquestioned stressful thoughts, those thoughts that separate.

We're just...convinced (of some thought that is making us miserable), (but)...as we question them using these four questions, then we're shocked at what isn't true.

And our whole identity begins to change, and every time we question what we believe, our identity shifts, and then we just experience ourselves as kinder human beings because we have dealt with this underworld.

(I want to add here that many of us hang on to our "identities" for dear life.  No matter how much they may be making us suffer - no matter how much our story makes others suffer - if I am stuck in an unquestioning "This Is Who I Am" my mind will not be open to the questioning of stressful thoughts.)

For example; you know the thought “(S)He doesn't care about me.” You think the thought, “He doesn't care about me anymore. He doesn't love me anymore.” “She doesn't love me, she doesn't care about me anymore.” So I would...do the work on that.

I would work on that, and... “(S)He doesn't care about me.” Is it true? Let's see “(S)He doesn't care about you.” Is it true? (And you don't decide...with thinking...is it true?) ...you just open the space and wait. 

You just come up with a yes or a no. You just open your mind and you just very gently answer the question, it's not a huge big deal.

You're just answering the first question from as deeply within as you possibly can.

Now, what your mind did ...what the mind does when asked “Is it true?”

“She's cooks for me, she does this, she does that, duh duh duh, how would I know duh duh.” Ok just notice, notice, now. Answer the question. ("Is it true?"  Yes or No?)

It's like, (if you let your mind take over and you don't just answer the question from deeply within) ...the work stops working the moment you stop answering the questions.

And so all of that logic that was coming out of you, ... we still have war on this planet. We promise to love each other to the death and we don't have a lot of that in our heads (with our egos and personalities).

You know - I say personalities don't love, they want something.

...An ego doesn't love.  Love is our nature - it's our true nature, it's what we are already.  

(But)...we take on this identity, “I need your love, I need your love. I need your approval.” That's what we're seeking...not the truth.

We're seeking love, approval and appreciation.

If I had a prayer it would be “God spare me from the desire for love, approval and appreciation.” It's a full time job, it takes your life over.

And you miss love.

(The friendly universe) Well you know everything is for us, is done for us, not to us.  I found it's a friendly universe. 

You know Einstein said there's only one question, “Is the universe friendly?”

And I just fell into this awareness, this realization, that in fact the universe is friendly and I have been testing that for 23 years, and so far so good. It is ringing true.

So, in my world any time anything is unacceptable to me, I look at, my mind judges that to be a negative thing.  Not ok.

I'm going to feel stress. Because it argues with the true nature of everything.  That's Negative, and so we feel it.

(Because) you're at war with what is, you're at war with your own true nature. So I invite people to identify what they're thinking when they're feeling that stress.

And to put it on paper and to put it up against these two questions. In other words to work that concept, to work those concepts - to work that thought.

...“(S)He doesn't care about me?” So can you absolutely know that it's true? - that he doesn't care about me?  Ok so, about you.  So you just get very still with that and notice and commit to a yes or a no.

And notice how your mind wants to go nuts with logic.

You know, people, forever, have wanted the mind to stop. “Just stop, stop, I just want to stop my head.” You know, people kill themselves, they commit suicide, because they can't stop their heads.

And it's just too painful and it looks like the way out.

But the way out is in.

And you know, I did suicide enough years, and it was, you know, I obsessed over it - I was so depressed.

...So I died of the self, and this work ... is for anyone that is open to it and wants a way out.

So we're going in.

So the Yes or No, that's it.

But this work, ...what it equates to is the truth and it is the truth that sets us free.

So if we go back to the thought on, “(S)He doesn't care about me.”

And then we ask that third question “How do you react, when you believe that thought, what happens?  And get still with that one. 

How do you react when you believe the thought “(s)he doesn't care about you” ? What happens?

And you see the effects of what you're believing, how you treat him/her when you think that thought, how you treat yourself when you think that thought.

And the addictions that happen, that's the effect of believing this stressful thought. And it's not right or wrong and it's ok to believe it.

We're just looking at the effects of mind and the world it creates. And we begin to understand that it is the mind that creates the world. 

And who would you be without the thought “(S)He doesn't care about you?” And to just get still and look into that space only without the thought.

So we find opposites, “(S)He doesn't care about me.” turned around “I don't care about him/her.”

Now that can be very shocking, and your mind might go “Well, that's not true!”

And then you look at everything you've done for him/her and how you've sacrificed.

And then go back to it and look again.  Find examples, of how you've lead him or her to believe that you don't care.

Like where do you punish? and where do you apply guilt? And then get specific, and then make amends for it, for your sake.

And because when we make amends, we find examples, and make amends for it, it raises our awareness.

We're more aware the next time it happens. And we already have found we don't, that's not us.

That's not the us that we live well with, that there's guilt in it and guilt, that's hard, that's really hard, it's a busy mind.

So.. if we don't know... we need to do the work with, on what we're believing about them.

How irresponsible of me to see you as irresponsible, you know that's your path. It's necessary. And how unloving of me to see you as unloving. ...We can't get away from it.

...Attack is attack. And when we attack what we don't understand we never come to understand.

...When) we turn these around they're huge (She doesn't care about me." is turned around to) “I don't care about me.”

And to find the ways that maybe you, the way you treat you, could be less caring than what your partner is living toward you.

And probably is, you know, if we are not our own best friend, how can we expect them to be?

...And we're so hurt when they're unkind, and look how unkind we are to ourselves.

And .... maybe we can't change our partners - but we do have the opportunity to work with ourselves.

... and I don't expect anyone to love when I don't love, or anyone to be caring when I am so uncaring. ...I'm just having a love affair with myself and working on me, and people are calling me kind, and...I'm doing nothing more or less than just self-love and it is...it's a full time job.

(So another turn around to "She doesn't care about me" is).. “(s)he does care about me” and then to find examples yes, ...(even though she or he is doing that seems uncaring to you - no matter how mean...no matter how thoughtless) it doesn't mean that they don't care about us, it just means he or she is believing their thoughts. That's all anyone is guilty over.

I work in prisons where I have worked with people who have murdered many many people and people who have burned down homes with their wife and children in it.

They were believing their thoughts, and if we believed the thoughts that they were believing, then we would be there too. It's like, what are we believing?

What are we believing that is costing us our freedom, our birthright which is happiness? And basically (is costing) the awareness of our own true nature which is love?

... suffering is nothing more than the denial of that.